I don’t know where today went. that’s not right. yes, I do. but I’m here, under the wire again, and going to do this while it’s still Day 27. booya!!
5 smartDpants challenges:
1. Remembering to take care of my diabetes.
That sounds stupid, diabetes is here all the time, there’s always something to pay attention to, how could anyone forget to do what needs to be done? All I know is that it happens, like when my pump yells at me that there’s only 30 units of insulin left in the reservoir and we’re 5 minutes behind schedule to get everyone out the door to kindergarten and work and the other work, and the oldest dog needs his Rx and both dogs need water and someone needs to pull the laptop cord out of the wall and omg, where did the homework go and are we TEN minutes late now? I’ll refill it when I get to work in an hour or so…except sometimes, I forget.
2. Paying attention to what the numbers say, and how they’re trending.
It’s gotten pretty easy to look at a Dexcom reading of 80 with a horizontal arrow and think all is well. Except my BG’s habit these days is to decrease really suuuuuuuuuuuper slowly. So I don’t get any fancy down arrows screaming at me to test and treat IMMEDIATELY. I get these lazy, sauntering downward CGM’s…from 80 horizontal…to 75 horizontal 15 minutes later…to 70 horizontal 20 minutes later…and so on…I get lulled into thinking all is well. With my “hypoglycemic unawareness” business that leaves me symptomless with a 35 mg/dl, it sometimes isn’t so well. I need to pay better attention to what’s going on.
3. Entering all the numbers.
BGs, 10-15/day. Basal rates, currently 5 a day that can change every few days. Boluses given, any time I eat (at least 3 times/day usually) or correct a high BG (some days 1, other days 3-4). Carbs eaten, either SWAG’d or actually counted. I do so much better when I enter ALL the numbers in my log/spreadsheet, every day, and sometimes I get that done. Some nights, my partner has to listen to me ask her “what did we eat for dinner on Monday that was 30 carbs?” when it’s Thursday. (She’s super awesome at remembering. Love you, A!)
4. Choosing the healthier/less fun/more difficult choice.
I make a big deal out of saying I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and I’ve lived with D forever and it can just go screw itself because damn it, I will have a cupcake and so there. It is what it is. I can, and I’ll do what I need to do so I keep my BGs in a decent range. But the thing is, my BG is such a freaking flatline when I eat fewer carbs. So it would be better, and feel good, for me to eat salad at most meals. I like salad, a lot, don’t get me wrong. And I do it eat it, a lot. Without bread. But constantly making the choice wears me down.
5. Loving myself just the way I am.
Sometimes I’m just so pissed at my body for failing the way it has, and my dumb pancreas for making my life this way. I can go through and do the gratitude thing or the “this is how it’s made my life so great” thing or the “I wouldn’t have had these experiences without this massive problem” thing, sure. I can. I wish I didn’t have to, though. I wish I could love this body with its brokenness and failed endocrine and autoimmune mess that makes parts of my life a huge pain the ass. Meh.
5 small smartDpants victories:
1. I have rocked an HbA1c of 6.0, 5.8 or 5.9 since November 2010. I never thought I could ever do that. I’m in a little groove.
2. Hundys. I get a BG reading of 100 mg/dl every so often. They’re fun. 😉
3. Flatlines, of the CGM kind, also known as d-planking. Those are also fun.
4. No-hitters, also of the CGM kind.
5. 31 years and 11 months of type 1 diabetes with no complications. #BAMthereitis!!
wego Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge, Day 27: 5 Challenges. 5 Small Victories. Make a list of the 5 most difficult parts of your health focus. Make another top 5 list for the little, good things (small victories) that keep you going.