what they should know

I’m not stupid. My blood sugar is 40 mg/dl.

I’m not a bitch. My blood sugar is 398.

I’m not a whiner. My blood sugar is 285.

I’m not a spaz. My blood sugar is 52.

I’m not paranoid. My blood sugar is 36.

I’m exhausted. My blood sugar just dropped from 357 to 102 in 2 hours.

I can’t make sense of the sentence I just read 10 times on my computer screen. My blood sugar is 45.

I just started a fight with the woman I love, even though I know I’m wrong and she’s right. My blood sugar is 259.

I’m enraged. And crying. And hopeless. My blood sugar has been riding between 250 and 325 for 12 hours and nothing I’ve done has made a damn bit of difference.

I’m overwhelmed and can’t make a decision. My blood sugar is 55.

I am terrified and I’ve eaten 120 carbs. My blood sugar is 67.

I wish I could just feel my “real” feelings, and not have to wonder whether I really feel the emotions I think I feel, or whether the feelings are caused by the amount of sugar in my blood.

I’ve been called “emotional” many times throughout my life. I’ve never been ashamed or felt bad because of my emotions, and in fact I’ve been glad to feel them–the real ones. But I wish I knew how much of my emotions are due to wonky BGs and how much is really me, my emotions.

The BG-related emotions are fake to me. Imposters.

It’s really hard work to pull myself together and not completely freak out about the emotions that accompany high or low BGs. It feels like a huge load to carry.

And sometimes, I AM just stupid or bitchy or whiny or spazzy or paranoid or exhausted or confrontational or enraged or overwhelmed or overeating, and my blood sugar is a so-called perfect, normal 104. But I don’t want to hear anything about it from anyone. There. I said it.

WTF.

For other What They Should Know – Friday 5/18  Link List.

D-Blog Week 2012, Day 5: Today let’s borrow a topic from a #dsma chat held last September.  The tweet asked “What is one thing you would tell someone that doesn’t have diabetes about living with diabetes?”.  Let’s do a little advocating and post what we wish people knew about diabetes.  Have more than one thing you wish people knew?  Go ahead and tell us everything.

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5 Responses to what they should know

  1. tricia7473 says:

    I love your examples, very powerful stuff. I, too, often wonder if the emotions I’m feeling are really me or just d-related….(((HUGS)))

  2. Debra says:

    That darn bg # dictates everything, I woke with a really good number today, and it was really nice to be hungry because I was really hungry, not because I was low or high.:)

  3. MelissaBL says:

    Yes! Every time I was legitimately upset or even just girl fussy, my mom or bro or teen boyfriend would make some comment about my sugar. So unfair.

  4. Christina says:

    Ive read some awesome posts for this topic but yours by far has been the best. #truth
    I get angry at myself when I tell either of my kids to check bs when their behaviors or attitudes are not ideal – the sad fact is most times their bs are high or low during those less than ideal behaviors. Diabetes effects the most personal parts of who we are (yes I’m including myself even though I don’t have D).
    Thank you for writing this.

  5. Alexandra says:

    what you did with this prompt is really awesome!

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